


Gensokyo's Greatest Leaders?

by orphan_account



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Gen, Online Friendship, Slice of Life, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 01:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cirno and Utsuho have been running monthly online games for about a year. They invite their friends to play poker, blackjack, sandbox games and an empire-building game. With most people too busy to play, they turn to Suika, a casual player and Remilia, a new player, to fill the quota, who accept.</p><p>So, who is Gensokyo's greatest leader? Is it Remilia, with her charismatic personality? Utsuho, with her atomic military might? Cirno, with her cultural policies, or Suika, with her multitudes of cities?</p><p>There is only one way to find out: Can they build an empire to stand the test of time?</p><p>Based on a game of Civilization 5 I played. Thanks to the modding community of Civilization 5 for the Touhou mods!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pre-game and 4000 BC

"So what is this game?" the Scarlet Devil asked, trying to adjust her headset under her hat.  
"We literally just explained this!" a young voice sounded from the other end of the line. "You give yourself a name, an empire and stuff, and then you try and win against the other civilizations!"  
"What Cirno said." a crackily voice added.  
"Utsuho, when are you going to replace that microphone?" Remilia asked, tapping the handle on her teacup.  
"You try finding microphones that survive the heat I deal with around here." Utsuho replied.  
"When's Suika coming back?" Cirno asked, impatiently.  
"We're on final Snacks, Drinks and Toilet Check." Utsuho said. "Knowing her, she's still on drinks."  
"So how much longer are we gonna wait!?"  
"Suika's an oni. I wouldn't be surprised if she's actually left us hanging while she's buying more at the store." Utsuho said, looking past her screen towards the Hell of Blazing Fires. "We're waiting a while, in any case."  
"So while we're waiting, can somebody tell me what the game is?" Remilia asked.  
  
Utsuho sighed and held her face in her arm, trying not to repeat Monday where she knocked herself out by facepalming with the wrong arm. "You choose a template nation. Most are based on Outside World locations but you can make a custom one. You give yourself a picture, a name and then the game starts. You have to build cities, raise an army and then conquer the world."  
"Or you could not do what Utsuho does _every single freaking game_ and go for a cultural victory by making your empire an utopia." Cirno said.  
"Hey, who won the June, July, August and September matches?" Utsuho asked, impolitely.  
Cirno sighed, and Remilia could almost imagine her pouting. "...You did."  
"If you guys beelined for the Manhattan Project like I do, you'd be winning games like me!"  
"Look, I know you play one-handed every time you nuke a city-" Cirno said, completely forgetting Utsuho's control rod. "-but some of us like making people happy...or at least making our people happy."  
"I'm just gonna ignore the one-arm comment and the rude joke you were attempting..." Utsuho said. "But you played really aggressively when that Suwako person was playing. You actually tried to kill that dollmaker's nation because she refused you open borders so you could attack Suwako."  
"We don't talk about the December Match." Cirno stated flatly.  
"What December match?"  
"Now Remilia's asking about it!" Cirno shouted. "You see what you inflict on me, Reiuji?"  
  
Utsuho giggled. "Well, I think I should tell her..."  
"No!"  
"Basically, Remilia-"  
"A-la-la-la she can't hear you if I'm singing!" Cirno yelled.  
"Poor Nineball thought that three Knights-"  
"She can't hear you!"  
"-kill a city. And she rage-quit when it turned out that-"  
"No no no no it didn't happen!"  
"-that the dollmaker had a lot of Pikemen. The rage was glorious!"  
"That match never happened! Stop spreading lies, Utsuho or I will freeze your reactor!" Cirno continued to yell, only confusing Remilia more.  
"To be honest, it'd be really funny to get you down here and to see if you actually could." Utsuho said.  
"I think I could as well." Cirno replied, watching some fairies nearby play the Grand Fairy Sport of accidently flying into each other multiple times and not learning until one caves their skull in and dies. "I am the strongest fairy in Gensokyo, after all."  
"As you keep saying..." Remilia said, sipping her tea, and smiling at the sweetness. "Where is that oni?"  
"Guys, I'm really sorry. There were lots of people at the shop." a new voice said, right on cue. There were sounds of many bottles clinking together.  
"I knew it!" Utsuho said, smiling at being proved right. "I knew you went out for more!"  
"Well, the gourd only produces sake. I wanted some other drinks too." Suika said.  
"Can we finally start playing now?!" Cirno said, impatiently. "I've been so excited about this match!"  
"Alright, I got my snacks, I got my drinks and when I came home I bladder checked again."  
"Can we not hear about that?" Remilia said sternly, reclining in her chair, and adjusting her headset again.  
"Let's do this!" Utsuho said. "Begin the October match!"  
  
Three players clicked the 'Ready' button.  
  
"I'm really sorry..." Remilia said, quietly. "I forgot to choose a civilization."  
  
She was met with a barrage of 'Really!?' and 'Oh come on!'  
  
- Girls are waiting for the game to load-  
  
"Hmm..." Remilia said to herself, looking at her Settler and Warrior. "Well, there's only one thing I can name this city..."  
  
Remilia clicked the 'Found City' button, and the settlement of the Scarlet Mansion popped up before her. Setting the city to build a Scout, she turned her attention to the warrior, and looked at the fog surrounding her city. She pressed the communicate button. "How do I send units?"  
"Right click." Suika said, before sipping from her gourd. "Right click where you want them to go."  
  
Remilia followed Suika's instruction, sending her Warriors north, and the fog gave way slightly while the warriors onscreen all ran where she had instructed them to.  
  
"Thank you, Suika."  
"No problem."  
  
A button glowed in the bottom-right corner, atop a tiny map which showed the area known to Remilia. She clicked it.  
  
 _Waiting for Player: Cirno9._ the screen displayed. Remilia sat back in her chair.  
  
"So, how did these games come about?" Remilia said.  
"Basically, Cirno came up to me one day, boasting about her laptop." Suika said, opening a packet of nuts. "And I wanted one, because she was playing this game in single player. So that kappa girl hooked me up with this system."  
"And I found this one day." Utsuho added. "I still don't know who this belonged to, but whatever. It had Cirno's contact details on it though."  
"We started out playing chess against each other." Cirno said. "I won every time!"  
"Oh, wow!" Suika scoffed. "You got beaten in chess by _Cirno?_ "  
"Shut up!" Utsuho snapped. "I was distracted during those games!"  
"...Wait, are you calling me stupid?" Cirno asked.  
"As for myself, Meiling gave me this for my birthday. I found it odd, considering that I don't pay salaries."  
"Wait, I thought you didn't age?" Cirno said. "You know, being a vampire and all."  
"Well, nobody actually knows my birthday. I just call it when I want free stuff." Remilia said. "I feel bad about it, but at the same time: New stuff."  
"Yeah, I see the appeal." Utsuho said, tapping her fingers on the keyboard and sighing. "Cirno, what are you doing?"  
"I don't know where to send my warrior!" Cirno whined.  
"Just order him to the North!" Suika said.  
"Fine..." Cirno said.  
  
 _Waiting for Player: MysticWisdom_  
  
"Alright..." Utsuho said, muting her microphone. "I got the Settlers on the hill...and my army is pathetic."  
  
Clicking 'Found City,' she named her settlement 'The Palace of Earth Spirits.' Right clicking to the east, she sent her Warrior into the fog of war. She unmuted her microphone and ended her turn.  
  
 _Waiting for player: BrokenMoon_  
  
"So, who have you played with before?" Remilia asked.  
"We always play with whoever's available." Suika said. "We're actually about three players short. Most of the time Reimu's here."  
"The shrine maiden?"  
"Yeah. She has a lot of free time, apparently." Suika said, clicking End Turn after surveying her situation, founding the Ancient City and sending her warriors across the coastline she was on.  
"Does she win a lot?"  
  
 _Remilia Scarlet of The Scarlet Estate - 3900 BC_  
  
"About fifty-fifty." Cirno said.  
"Is she good?"  
"She knows how to get people to forget about her in a game." Utsuho said. "Until we turn around and BOOM! She's got a giant army on your border!"  
"Anybody else?"  
"We played a game with Parsee once." Utsuho said. " _We are never doing that again._ "  
"What happened there?"  
"I beat her to a world wonder, so she straight up raged for about four hours, screaming that she wanted the wonder." Cirno said. "I almost went deaf."  
"In the end, we had to kick her from the game and start again." Suika said. "We don't consider the January Match to have happened. We just decided the winner with a poker tournament."  
"Cirno is surprisingly good at card games." Utsuho said.

Remilia commanded her Warrior to continue their northwards journey.


	2. 2000 BC

"So when she woke up, she felt the bandage on her neck and me standing over her with my mouth dripping with tomato sauce, and she freaked out!" Cirno laughed, joined by the others. "And that's how I know that Daiyousei can punch really, really hard."  
"So there's a tip for me then." Remilia laughed, wiping the mirthful tears from her eyes. "Don't bite Daiyousei."  
"Oh, I've got hundreds of stories about her..." Cirno giggled. "Like the time where I turned her entire collection of rose bushes into icicles..."  
"You told us that one." Utsuho said flatly. "She punched you. Every Daiyousei story ends with her punching you, Cirno."  
"Oh yeah..." Cirno realised. "So, Suika, are you gonna make your move, or are we going to wait for one of us to actually die?"  
"I'm thinking!" Suika snapped. She chose to build a Settler, before clicking End Turn.  
  
 _Remilia Scarlet of The Scarlet Estate - 2000 BC._  
  
"Well, I actually have a funny story myself." Remilia said.  
"Go on then." Utsuho replied, resting her head in her hand.  
"One time, that magician...Marisa, I think, came to visit. She had the proper identifcation, and I didn't mind her roaming, really. Then all hell breaks loose in the library." Remilia said, moving her scout and seeing an orange dotted line to the east. "Sakuya and I rush in, and we find Marisa and Patchy fighting. We calm them down...Well, restrain them, and ask them to explain what happened."  
"Marisa was stealing the book?" Suika asked. "I mean, she still owes me money for the bar tab she stiffed me on."  
"No. They both wanted to read it. It was just that they were on different pages." Remilia said, telling her Scarlet Mansion to build a Settler, and for the city of Misty Lake to build Fairy Maids - her personal unit.  
"So let me get this straight - Your librarian got into a fight with black-white because they both wanted to read a book?" Cirno questioned. "I think my Daiyousei stories are better."  
"But you would." Remilia countered, clicking End Turn.  
  
 _Waiting for Player: Cirno9_  
  
"Should I tell a story, as long as we're on the subject?" Suika asked.  
"Go for it." Utsuho answered, accidentally knocking over her drink with her control rod. "Ah, dammit..."  
"Right, I'm going to tell you the story all about how my life get flipped, turned upside down-"  
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Cirno shouted. "We are _not_ going through the Fresh Prince phase again. Whoever showed fairies that show were evil people. Wars happened over it."

Cirno thumped her chest with her fist loud enough for it to be audible on the microphone. 

"We fight forever against the tyranny of Uncle Phil!" Cirno declared.  
  
Remilia snickered to herself, before regaining her composure. She had enjoyed the adventures of Will and Carlton herself, and it allowed her a valuable conversation topic with Meiling, a fellow fan of the show.  
  
"Well, that didn't work." Suika moaned. She downed a mouthful of sake. "Anything you want to add, Utsuho?"  
"Not much." Utsuho said, lost in thought. "I mean, I'm just waiting for Cirno."  
"Sorry, but I was dealing with some AFK business." Cirno panted, before turning her head again. "Don't touch that! Don't you dare touch that! Off! Off my modem!"

"For the authority of Uncle Phil!" a fairy yelled in the distance.  
  
The others heard Cirno's headset being thrown to the floor, before a sound of danmaku fire and a fairy's scream.  
  
"Phew. So sorry about that," Cirno finished, completing her turn as quickly as she could, before ending it.  
  
 _Waiting for Player: MysticWisdom_  
  
Remilia took a small bite from the cupcake in front of her. She looked over to Sakuya, standing at her side. "Is there any particular reason you've been waiting here?"  
"I was just curious what game you were playing, Mistress," Sakuya replied.  
"You should've asked sooner. I wouldn't have minded," Remilia said. "Basically, I'm playing a game against Cirno, that ice fairy from the lake, Suika, the oni who lives near the Hakurei Shrine, and Utsuho, a nuclear hell raven."  
"Keeping fine company?" Sakuya asked, using her 'maid's accent.'  
"Indeed," Remilia answered back. She picked up her tea tray and handed it to Sakuya. "Can you prepare another pot, please?"  
"Of course. How many sugars?"  
"Uhh...better make it three lumps," Remilia ordered. Sakuya bowed her head and exited the room.  
"Do you always talk like that?" Cirno asked.  
"You heard?!" Remilia gasped.  
"You had your headset on the whole time," Utsuho giggled. "So, you like sweet tea?"  
"Yes, I do," Remilia said defensively.  
"Fine company, are we?" Suika interrogated. "Thanks. That does mean a lot."  
"Yeah!" Cirno said in agreement.  
"So, you're playing against us?" Utsuho teased. "Good. I never get a good fight out of Cirno!"  
"That's not what I meant!" Remilia replied.  
"Relax, I knew what you meant," Utsuho laughed, setting all three of her cities to produce Spearmen. "You're just really easy to work up."  
"Hey!" Remilia yelled.  
"Relax, relax..." Utsuho said, ending her turn. "Just messing with you."  
  
 _Waiting for Player: BrokenMoon_  
  
Suika looked at her cities. She had the Ancient City, Mt. Ooe, Onigashima and the Flower-Viewing Festival. Two of them were producing Settlers, the rest Spearmen to protect the cities.  
  
"Well, I have a funny story myself," Remilia started.  
"Alright, let's hear it," Cirno replied. "This'll be good."  
"One time, the security staff reported a break in. The standard procedure we have here to deal with it is to simply shoot everyone who looks unusual. Sadly, it was the annual horror costume party, celebrating whatever I felt like."  
"What happened?"  
"I was dressed as my great-uncle Vlad, Sakuya was dressed as a zombie, Meiling was dressed as a dinosaur, and Patchy refused to have anything to do with it," Remilia explained. "So as a result, everyone got shot at least once. It inevitably became a game - Sakuya and her maids, Meiling and the security fairies, and me on my lonesome, because I'm simply amazing."  
"So you had a live-fire exercise in your house?" Utsuho asked.  
"Yes. It had a bad ending though. Turns out someone actually did break in and they stole all of my bread. I don't even know why."  
  
Cirno whistled innocently.  
  
 _Remilia Scarlet of the Scarlet Estate - 1925 BC_  
  
 _You have met the City-State of Kuala Lumpur! As you are the first great empire they have met, they give you a gift of 50 gold!_  
  
Remilia adjusted her microphone. "What's a City-State?"  
"It's an AI one-city country," Utsuho answered. "None remain by the end of the game."  
"Why?"  
"Utsuho conquers them all," Cirno sighed. "Seriously, don't you think you're a tiny bit too violent sometimes?"  
"Nope!" Utsuho smiled.  
"See, I knew her response, but I went ahead anyway."  
  
Remilia planned her next move in regards to the new city-state...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry about not updating this sooner - I've been working on another project.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this is my first non-pony work in a while...
> 
> http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Steventheman


End file.
